Despite previews for the new Miley Cyrus movie attempting to convince me that Hannah Montana is the “show [I] I grew up with,” I think we all know that for a kid born in 1986, that honor is firmly in the hands of Full House. With maybe a splash of Family Matters, Boy Meets World and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. (Does ABC still do TGIF on Friday nights? I bet my parents loved that three hours of solid pre-teen entertainment at the start of their weekend.) Earlier this week I was getting ready to go in to work, like a true grown up, when that wonderful Olsen twins TV gold came on ABC Family.
It was clearly season one. I knew this because Michelle could barely speak beyond assuring us all that we “got it, dude,” DJ had yet to fall victim to her pudgy, Steve-afflicted years and I only wanted to kill Stephanie a little. Also, Uncle Jesse turned 26. Twenty-fucking-six. Seriously? He always seemed...middle-aged. In all my years watching this show, it never occurred to me that the male characters were anything less than mid to late-30s. And you know, that should make sense in the real world, given that Danny Tanner’s wife had passed away leaving him with three children under ten. Bob Saget was 31 in the first season of the show.
And I get it, Uncle Jesse was supposed to be the younger, devil-may-care, cool musician guy who moved in to help out his poor brother-in-law with three motherless daughters. Maybe I didn’t pay close enough attention back in the day. When you’re a kid people sort of fall in to about four categories. Younger than me, my age, older than me, old. And old kicked in somewhere around 25 I guess.
The actual point here is that I was slightly terrified by the idea that at an age only three years older than I am now, Uncle Jesse was this major authority figure in the lives of three young girls. And that just a few short years (uh, seasons) later, he was married with twin boys. Still living in the attic of his benevolent, if needy, brother-in-law and trying to make it as a Japanese rock star, but still. Holy responsibility, Batman.
If I were Danny Tanner I would have a two year old right now. And also a wife eight years away from being killed by a drunk driver. And a penis. Anyway. I would be freaked out by that.
Shit, a quick Google search and subtraction (I did math, you all. You’re welcome.) just told me that John Stamos was actually only 24 when he started Full House. That only gives me one more year to get a hair obsession and a hit TV sitcom.